Saturday, February 8, 2014

Online dating is weird, man.

"I don't envy you."
"I don't know what I'd do if I were single again."
*leaning forward with polite interest, and pity in her eyes*
"Isn't it kind of scary? I mean, I know the stigma's gone, but still?"

The less said about online dating, the better.  So... here's a whole post about it!

Before anyone comments that I'm picky, I think most of this is about some form of social graces.  While the below is clearly my opinion on what is and isn't acceptable, things like manners don't fly out the window simply because you're online. 

One small pet peeve that I have, and I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one, is when people refer to themselves as nerds.  Having interests is a good thing, period.  Bragging about being a nerd, even if true, strikes me as incredibly pointless.  Since becoming a badge of honour, everyone calls themselves nerds and the word has no meaning.  If you're on a dating site, and you have interests, that's good, I'd love to hear about those interests.  If you brag about being a nerd, I might not want to hear about them.

Pictured: Someone I wouldn't say no to, given the right circumstances... ugh, fuck your caption.

In some ways, I'm really grateful I'm a woman.  I think men have a harder time on dating sites. I don't even really have to reach out to anyone (although I do), I can just wait and they'll message me.  For this paragraph, I'm speaking of men who are not douchebags (who will be covered later in the post), I'm talking about genuine, nice fellas, who are really just looking for a date*.  When they first join, these poor buggers come online, and they take a look at who's around, and then write a really nice email.  Sometimes, the email is epic, frightfully long, commenting on a tonne of .  And they never hear back.   I've responded to some of these guys, and it doesn't end very well.  About halfway through the coffee date, there's a voice in my head saying "run, bitch, run!".  If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: if someone is socially awkward in an email, there's not much of a chance meeting in person is going to improve that**.  I'm not saying these men are lower than me, or scum of the earth, I'm simply pointing out that these guys are never a match for me, no matter how much we have in common on paper.  I think a number of these guys aren't a match for anyone, yet, but they'll get better at it over time.

The guys you want to hear from are the ones who say a simple hello, comment on something in your profile**, and then just say it would be nice to hear back.  I picture these guys maybe writing 3 or 4 of these, and then carrying on with their lives.  Unlike the previously mentioned fella, who I picture agonizing over each word ("have I used the word 'interesting' too much?").  Also, if I do chat with them over the phone (text or actual conversation), there is often the slightest gap in between conversations, because they're busy doing something else.  Having a life is pretty sexy at times.

The last category of gentleman is the douchebag.  I'm sure there are a couple of men out there I've incorrectly mislabeled as this, but then maybe they should stop acting like douchebags.  These guys are the entire reason a good number of women are labeled as "responds selectively" or "responds extremely selectively." These guys will send a message that reads simply "hey u****", or the ever simple "sex?" My personal favourite was:

"I go to <local university>. I think you're a milf, are you up for a friends with benefits type affair?*****"

Dating is difficult, no matter how you're going about it.  Even if you calculate things carefully, at some point, you're going to have to come out from behind the computer and talk to a person.  I have such a hard time with people who don't understand this.

*no matter how clueless or misguided they may seem at times.
**the same cannot be said for texting, however.  I've met a number of people who were shit at texting, because they just didn't like texting.  When you write an email, you have time to properly form sentences and restrain what you're saying.  If you really don't have time to write a proper email, then maybe you don't have time for a dating site.
***"I've noticed you've mentioned a passion for highlighting all the moments in Harry Potter that hint to Dumbledore's sexual leanings.  I also enjoy this!"
****did not capitalizing or typing out the y or the o really save you a tonne of time there, champ?
*****MILF? Fuck you and fuck your university, you little shit.

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