Sunday, January 20, 2013


Just yesterday, I was grouching and grumping to a friend about how awful things I've been feeling lately, and he told me that he has a friend who swears by magnesium, and then sent me this link:

Now, I always tend to err on the skeptic side of things and I know that health claims are difficult to nail down, especially if it's a vitamin or natural remedy* (eff you, Dr. Oz - throwing your weight behind anything that comes along, sucking up every dime that isn't nailed down).  This attitude has - sadly - blocked me from trying any supplements that may have helped me, even in the short run as placebos.  Quite frankly, though, it's out of hand.  Vitamins and minerals are good for you, especially if your diet is leaving gaps in your nutrition (more than likely, in my case).  Plus, within the fourth paragraph down, I read this:

Magnesium is an old home remedy for all that ails you, including "anxiety, apathy, depression, headaches, insecurity, irritability, restlessness, talkativeness, and sulkiness." 

I had to re-read it.  I have all of those on a regular basis**, and you're telling me this might not be a horrible flaw in my personality, it might be a magnesium deficiency?

I chatted with my sister in law about it, and we got to talking about 'detox***' baths, which have epsom salts mixed with a number of other things (eucalyptus, ginger, mustard, tasty things).  She also mentioned that a number of the mom's that she knows (she's very active in mommy circles in her town) take Omega-3 pills to avoid postpartum depression and continue to take it thereafter. She offered me some Omega-3 pills to try, and I took a couple.  Well, wouldn't you know it, 20 minutes later, I had the worst sushi burps I've had in a long time!  And this was without the added bonus of actually enjoying sushi!

At any rate, I went to cost-co and bought some magnesium on the way home.  Reading up on it more now, it would seem that I grabbed the wrong one (it needs to be coupled with something else so my body can really absorb it), but I took some anyways.  I'm going to head out and grab the one I should be taking soon and we'll see what happens.

* eff you, Dr. Oz - throwing your weight behind anything that comes along, sucking up every dime that isn't nailed down.
**as an aside, the talkativeness has resulted in another issue that will be discussed in a slightly later blog post.
***the word 'detox' sets me off, too.

Here's some other crap about magnesium I've been reading:

Thursday, January 3, 2013

So this is the new year...

This was the worst holiday season I've experienced in a long time.  I had forced myself to be in a fantastic Christmas mood, packages delightfully wrapped and ready to go, suitcase packed.  Turns out the lovely mood was a really thin veneer I'd layered over a casserole of resentment and depression (what an awful sentence, I apologize).  At any rate, my good mood shattered on Christmas night when I was pelted in the face and gut with firework shrapnel.  The good mood, or anything resembling a good mood, has been gone ever since.

I don't think I've ever felt more classless than when that happened.

The piece to my face hit me three inches from my eye.  Close call.  I'm not telling this story very well, but basically, I was surrounded by family and I only heard one feeble "Amy, are you okay?" as I ran back into the house.

I cried myself to sleep that night.  There's also a distinct lack of communication within my family in terms of scheduling, but there seems to be a trend of letting me know of changes at the last minute.  Why would I need to know of any changes?  I don't have to consult a partner on what his plans are, so I can just suck it up and adjust my schedule accordingly.  Of course, this feeling makes my sadness about being alone in this world flourish like there's no tomorrow, even though I know I'm in no place to meet anyone at the moment.  Not that I'm in any shape to meet anyone.

I'm in a fog right now.  On Monday, I spoke with almost no one about my holidays, which was quite difficult.  I'm numb to most of what's going on, my reaction time with anything seems delayed.  The past month or so, I've been great at faking well-being, but I can't even do that anymore.  At times, looking at this blog, doubt creeps in.  I feel sometimes that I'm just blowing my feelings out of proportion and I'm fine and I just need to be happy.  C'mon, be happy.  Earlier this year, I'd have thrown myself headfirst into my work, but there has been a change there that has me upset as well, so that's not feeling like an option at the moment either.  Writing this entry is quite difficult, and I'm sorry if it's horribly written, but I've been doubting the existence of followers anyway. 

That reminds me.  Earlier this week, I was thinking that I needed to jump things in some way.  Wouldn't it be great to take a course and meet new people?  I took a look at the courses at the local college and was like, hey, writing could be great.  At the local college, all the writing courses are online, no class time at all. Hey, college, if I wanted to sit in front of my computer and write, I could do that without dropping $200 on a course.   I'm sure there's something around I could take.  Someone suggested cooking classes, which would be a great idea, but I'm hoping for something that runs for several weeks, so that I can get comfortable and actually get to know some of my classmates.  Art feels out of the question oddly enough; I'm incredibly self-conscious about art right now.

I just don't know. I need to hop in the shower and get ready for work now.