Wednesday, February 19, 2014

It's a sad evening

It's a sad evening when you're watching your phone, hoping for a message from a man, and receiving an email from the previous one that brings you to tears. 

For some mysterious reason, this new one hasn't hugged me yet, and the last one has written to comment how great I am at hugs.  I almost feel like, if I do get a hug from the new one, I'll be sniffing around for table scraps of love.  I want to give him a final chance, but I don't really know what to make of the situation.

As for the last guy, I don't want to be with him, but I guess it still hurts more than I wanted to admit.  He was gentle, kind, and a great hugger. He was also flaky and frustrating.

Why is this all so fucking hard for me?

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

"A friend of mine grows his very own brambles..."

When I'm really interested in someone, I go through this terrible phase.  In a strange way, I shed my skin.  On this skin are all of my hobbies and personality traits that I subconsciously don't feel are helping me impress this particular gentleman at hand.  What ends up being left is an overly agreeable piece of marzipan molded into what was once a vibrant cynic. 

Creepy marzipan.  That's me on the left, without the penis.
The shelf life of marzipan is great, for a food.  As a doesn't really work.  At some point, I start to develop mass quantities of resentment. 

When I split with someone, I often tell myself I enjoy being single.  While I do enjoy singledom*, there's really no reason for me to stop enjoying myself within a relationship.  Basically, the above is all bullshit, and it's bullshit I create for myself.  This needs to stop.

I had a rather emotional breakup last month.  I didn't include the relationship or the breakup in the blog for various reasons**.   I'm realizing that what I've been doing is clearly not working. I've had this strange feeling after the end of the last two serious relationships that I was somehow getting closer to what I wanted, the relationship that I really need***. 

I must admit my concern for the way things have been going is completely inspired by a recent...acquaintance.   I only met him the other night.  He's smart and very funny.  I don't know what he'll be to me, if anything, but - at the moment - I hope he doesn't want to be friends.  I'll end this here, see footnote 2 for reasoning.

*which is almost completely attributed to living alone (pants optional).
**reasons included, but not limited to: risk of jinxing myself, risk of him discovering the blog, previous partners reading while shaking their heads and feeling superior to me (although, I guess if it makes them happy...)
***reread that sentence, but swap out the last two "I"s for "Gotham".   Use a growly voice.

Elbow's Some Riot

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Online dating is weird, man.

"I don't envy you."
"I don't know what I'd do if I were single again."
*leaning forward with polite interest, and pity in her eyes*
"Isn't it kind of scary? I mean, I know the stigma's gone, but still?"

The less said about online dating, the better.  So... here's a whole post about it!

Before anyone comments that I'm picky, I think most of this is about some form of social graces.  While the below is clearly my opinion on what is and isn't acceptable, things like manners don't fly out the window simply because you're online. 

One small pet peeve that I have, and I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one, is when people refer to themselves as nerds.  Having interests is a good thing, period.  Bragging about being a nerd, even if true, strikes me as incredibly pointless.  Since becoming a badge of honour, everyone calls themselves nerds and the word has no meaning.  If you're on a dating site, and you have interests, that's good, I'd love to hear about those interests.  If you brag about being a nerd, I might not want to hear about them.

Pictured: Someone I wouldn't say no to, given the right circumstances... ugh, fuck your caption.

In some ways, I'm really grateful I'm a woman.  I think men have a harder time on dating sites. I don't even really have to reach out to anyone (although I do), I can just wait and they'll message me.  For this paragraph, I'm speaking of men who are not douchebags (who will be covered later in the post), I'm talking about genuine, nice fellas, who are really just looking for a date*.  When they first join, these poor buggers come online, and they take a look at who's around, and then write a really nice email.  Sometimes, the email is epic, frightfully long, commenting on a tonne of .  And they never hear back.   I've responded to some of these guys, and it doesn't end very well.  About halfway through the coffee date, there's a voice in my head saying "run, bitch, run!".  If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: if someone is socially awkward in an email, there's not much of a chance meeting in person is going to improve that**.  I'm not saying these men are lower than me, or scum of the earth, I'm simply pointing out that these guys are never a match for me, no matter how much we have in common on paper.  I think a number of these guys aren't a match for anyone, yet, but they'll get better at it over time.

The guys you want to hear from are the ones who say a simple hello, comment on something in your profile**, and then just say it would be nice to hear back.  I picture these guys maybe writing 3 or 4 of these, and then carrying on with their lives.  Unlike the previously mentioned fella, who I picture agonizing over each word ("have I used the word 'interesting' too much?").  Also, if I do chat with them over the phone (text or actual conversation), there is often the slightest gap in between conversations, because they're busy doing something else.  Having a life is pretty sexy at times.

The last category of gentleman is the douchebag.  I'm sure there are a couple of men out there I've incorrectly mislabeled as this, but then maybe they should stop acting like douchebags.  These guys are the entire reason a good number of women are labeled as "responds selectively" or "responds extremely selectively." These guys will send a message that reads simply "hey u****", or the ever simple "sex?" My personal favourite was:

"I go to <local university>. I think you're a milf, are you up for a friends with benefits type affair?*****"

Dating is difficult, no matter how you're going about it.  Even if you calculate things carefully, at some point, you're going to have to come out from behind the computer and talk to a person.  I have such a hard time with people who don't understand this.

*no matter how clueless or misguided they may seem at times.
**the same cannot be said for texting, however.  I've met a number of people who were shit at texting, because they just didn't like texting.  When you write an email, you have time to properly form sentences and restrain what you're saying.  If you really don't have time to write a proper email, then maybe you don't have time for a dating site.
***"I've noticed you've mentioned a passion for highlighting all the moments in Harry Potter that hint to Dumbledore's sexual leanings.  I also enjoy this!"
****did not capitalizing or typing out the y or the o really save you a tonne of time there, champ?
*****MILF? Fuck you and fuck your university, you little shit.