"A friend of mine grows his very own brambles..."

When I'm really interested in someone, I go through this terrible phase.  In a strange way, I shed my skin.  On this skin are all of my hobbies and personality traits that I subconsciously don't feel are helping me impress this particular gentleman at hand.  What ends up being left is an overly agreeable piece of marzipan molded into what was once a vibrant cynic. 

Creepy marzipan.  That's me on the left, without the penis.

The shelf life of marzipan is great, for a food.  As a human...it doesn't really work.  At some point, I start to develop mass quantities of resentment. 

When I split with someone, I often tell myself I enjoy being single.  While I do enjoy singledom*, there's really no reason for me to stop enjoying myself within a relationship.  Basically, the above is all bullshit, and it's bullshit I create for myself.  This needs to stop.

I had a rather emotional breakup last month.  I didn't include the relationship or the breakup in the blog for various reasons**.   I'm realizing that what I've been doing is clearly not working. I've had this strange feeling after the end of the last two serious relationships that I was somehow getting closer to what I wanted, the relationship that I really need***. 

I must admit my concern for the way things have been going is completely inspired by a recent...acquaintance.   I only met him the other night.  He's smart and very funny.  I don't know what he'll be to me, if anything, but - at the moment - I hope he doesn't want to be friends.  I'll end this here, see footnote 2 for reasoning.


*which is almost completely attributed to living alone (pants optional).
**reasons included, but not limited to: risk of jinxing myself, risk of him discovering the blog, previous partners reading while shaking their heads and feeling superior to me (although, I guess if it makes them happy...)
***reread that sentence, but swap out the last two "I"s for "Gotham".   Use a growly voice.

Elbow's Some Riot