Thursday morning reading update

Now reading:

Caitlin Moran's Moranthology
http://www.amazon.com/Moranthology-Caitlin-Moran/dp/0062258532/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374748111&sr=8-3&keywords=caitlin+moran

Blurb from amazon:

The follow-up to Caitlin Moran's breakout hit, How to Be a Woman—A hilarious collection of award-winning columns, available to American readers for the first time ever.

Possibly the only drawback to the bestselling How to Be a Woman was that its author, Caitlin Moran, was limited to pretty much one subject: being a woman. Moranthology is proof that Caitlin can actually be "quite chatty" about many other things, including cultural, social, and political issues that are usually the province of learned professors or hot-shot wonks—and not of a woman who once, as an experiment, put a wasp in a jar and got it stoned. Caitlin ruminates on—and sometimes interviews—subjects as varied as caffeine, Keith Richards, Ghostbusters, Twitter, transsexuals, the welfare state, the royal wedding, Lady Gaga, and her own mortality, to name just a few. With her unique voice, Caitlin brings insight and humor to everything she writes.

I'm about halfway through now, and I'm really enjoying it.  It's a series of articles/essays, mostly funny.  The tale of her interview with Keith Richards was quite good.   Also, she makes a good case for declaring that Ghostbusters is the best movie ever made.  

Man, how good was Ghostbusters? So good. 

Of course, this is all for my first read-a-thon!  

Sign up is here. 

This read-a-thon is being hosted by Michelle, who will be updating her progress here. 

My friend Colleen is participating as well - http://101thingsforcolleen.blogspot.ca/ (no updates there yet, but possibly this weekend.  Or via her twitter - https://twitter.com/janeycanuck

If you found your way here through the read-a-thon, please take a moment to say hello!  Always nice to meet a fellow reader.  

Read-a-thon

This week, I'm participating in a read-a-thon!  This read-a-thon started Monday morning, and lasts all week, but on Saturday, it'll last allll day.

http://seasonsreading.blogspot.ca/

My friend, Janeycanuck (that's her online handle - her blog can be found here.) This year, instead of our standard "go for dinner, then go to a bookstore" date - which we're both big fans of - I suggested we do a read-a-thon.  Sometime ago, she suggested I join one with her, and I had to decline.  This will be her third, but my first!

I must say, I'm a little concerned that I'll get on her nerves.  I don't know how many breaks is too much, how long they're supposed to be (I'm guessing 5-10, once an hour? I just don't know).  I've been known to talk up a storm sometimes (we can be quite guilty of it together, actually).  Also, I had said I was going to create an itinerary of things to do, but I just don't know what I'm doing.  I should go for Lean training, so I'll be better prepared on handling social situations, such as this.

I've set aside some books for Saturday:

I'm sorry, you may have to turn your head.

I've got my kobo on the left hand side (top of the pic, with this justification), which is full of goodies.  I'm not a huge fan of my kobo, but I'll probably have it out for some duration of the event.  Then there's:

• Charlie McDowell's "Dear Girls Above Me" (humour, and... I think it might actually be a novel)
• Katherine Dunn's "Geek Love" (fiction, recommended by a friend a long time ago, finally picked up)
• Caitlin Moran's "Moranthology" (in progress)
• Preston & Childs' "Cemetary Dance" (a Pendergast novel)
• Joseph Conrad's "Tales of Hearsay" (published posthumously, I believe)
• One of Jeff Smith's graphic novels, from the "Bone" series (I wanna be as laid back as Smiley Bone)
• Canadian finance guru Gail Vaz Oxlade's "It's Your Money" (website)
• Harlan Ellison's "Over the Edge" (short stories)
• Roland Barthes' "Mythologies" (essays)

I know that may seem like a very ambitious pile, and I don't actually intend to read all of them.  I felt the need to narrow things down a fair amount, so I didn't spend 20 minute hemming and hawing on Saturday morning.  I tried to include a lot of very light stuff as well.

At any rate, I still have a lot to get done before Saturday!  Happy reading!

Probably more pathetic than I realize

I was on hiatus for awhile there, but I think I'm back.  Last week, the heat here was ridiculous.  It was around the 32 mark ("but it feels like 40," the weather jerks say) midday, and then dropping to 23 at night.  I have a little window air conditioner in my bedroom, but the cool just wasn't reaching the rest of the apartment.  At about 8 o'clock every night, the temperature in the living room would get unbearable.  I had two options: take my computer into my bed with me and shut the door (which ended with me falling asleep at 9), or leave the apartment for adventure elsewhere.  It was about a 50/50 split throughout the week.  More often than not, I'd end up at Chapters/Indigo/Coles, although never the same one twice.

I was brushing my teeth on Wednesday morning when I was filled with a special kind of dread.  The thought occurred to me that I've become an incredibly boring person.  Unfortunately, I was running late, so I just finished brushing my teeth and then rushed off in the general direction of my 5'x5' cubicle.  I was still the first person in the building.

This feeling crept up again as I was pulling a document together at work.  One of the nice things about my job is that we can listen to our portable music players while we work (not sure if that's an official thing, or just that no one has complained).  I had my iPod on shuffle and felt restless.  I feel like I've been listening to the same musicians since high school.  My iPod has a grand total of 5688 songs on it - guilty pleasures included, because who doesn't like Jessie J? - and I still feel like I have nothing to listen to.  Don't get me wrong, I still think Blur/Radiohead/Matthew Good Band are great, but I'm definitely stuck in a rut.  I'm listening to songza today, in the hopes that I'll find something new that I like.  I just heard a Panic! at the disco song that was nice, but I just don't know what I'm doing or how to find good music anymore.

I saw The Conjuring this weekend.  It was good, very scary.  I went with a new friend, who I met through a dating site.  This is very clearly just a friendship, though.  He'll probably be headed out of Canada for his post-doctorate work.  Hi-ho.  It's nice to make a new friend, though.

I think part of my boredom can be directly related to the proximity of my friends.  Most of my close friends are those from high school.  This came as some surprise; I had thought that my university friends were the ones that would stick.  I thought this prior to going to university.  I wish I could re-do university.  I was about 20 pounds heavier than I am, and awkward as hell.  I clung fiercely to the friends I had, and I would be a little embarrassed to bump into a number of them now.  After university, I went home, as did a number of my high school friends.  Fast forward a few years, and those friends are now scattered a few hours away from me.

Other than 'work friends' (who sometimes you really don't want to see outside of work), I officiallly have two friends in my city, one of whom used to be a work friend at my last job.  The second is the guy I just met yesterday.  They don't know about each other.  I need to take some courses or something to meet people, but I worry there's a hint of desperation about me that will just get me in trouble: "HAHAHHA, we are having a good timeWESHOULDGETCOFFEEANDCHAT!"

University, all over again.

"Do Better" or "my inability to finish most of what I start"

Lately, I've been simply trying to 'do better'.  While this is a noble notion, it has absolutely no meaning.  Where are the goalposts?  How will I know when I'm done?  And, most importantly, when can I look down on others with smug satisfaction that I'm 'doing better' than they are*?

I've recently started two new courses through coursera.org.  The first is an intro to art course (a refresher for all that crap I claim I can do), and the other is an intro to finance (so I know how to better pay for all that crap I claim I can do).  These have both started in the past two weeks, with the art course starting first.  I was rather excited about it, but so were a few thousand other people, so when I went online, I discovered that live streaming the material was quite difficult for me.  Even when I paused to give it time to load, there was a lot of lag.  "No problem," I thought, "I'll just download the videos.  That way, I'll have them in the future if I want to revisit a specific technique."

Well, for some reason, downloading the videos doesn't work for me either.  When I try to trouble-shoot, it tells me there's something wrong with the sound device - clicking through the other steps on the troubleshooting page only tell me that the sound device is working find, and I've had trouble with other videos.  The overall result being that I get increasingly frustrated and usually find something else to do with my time.

This is directly related to the most recent piece I've been working on with my therapist.  The issue being that I don't seem to follow things through to completion.   My track record has become so bad that I often feel defeated before I've even started, and don't sign up for a number of things.  The 101 Things in 1001 Days is a good example of this.  My friend, Colleen (http://101thingsforcolleen.blogspot.ca/) had started this project for herself and encouraged our mutual friend, Katy (http://seekatydo101thingsin1001days.blogspot.ca/) and myself ( http://kidamy.blogspot.ca/) to try this.  The general idea is that you make a list of 101 things you'd like to accomplish and then set out to finish them in a specific time frame (1001 days, to be exact, hence the name).  I was the last one to join, as I had feared I would get part way through and...fizzle out.

I did several things, some I'm proud of**, but I had a heard time coming up with 101 things.  My list is incomplete.

I recall being in Brownies for about a year and getting very frustrated with it.  Each week, we were given something to do and time to do it (collect leave, paste them in a book).  Now, one of two things happened.  Either:
- I was a slow performing tasks; or
- They didn't allot enough time for us to do these things

It's most likely a combo of the both, of course.  As a result, my projects were never finished.  I remember being told to put it away and get my coat on, ("you can finish it next week") a few weeks in a row.  The following week, that project would be forgotten and we were on to a new craft or whatsit.

Like Sysiphus, only with a shit brown outfit and some glitter glue

It's not often that you can pinpoint the beginning of some attitudes, but I'm almost certain those episodes of not being able to finish things (and being lied about it for the next week) was the true beginning of my cynicism.  I was 7, and already scoffing at the university level.

Now, to lighten the end of this post, here's a clip of Sam Raimi in one of my favourite movies, Indian Summer:

*I think I'm being facetious on that last one.  Let's say I am.
**this is how I started singing again

Please tell me today was the last day of this stretch of horrors.

A schlemiel is defined as a 'habitual bungler; a dolt'.  A schlimazel is defined as 'an extremely unlucky person; a habitual failure'.  I've once heard it said "a schlemiel will spill a cup of hot coffee on someone, and the schlimazel is the person receiving the coffee in their lap."

I've continuously been a schlemiel or schlimazel the past seven days.

I'm really hoping that the bit of bad luck I've had was only for the last week or so.  Because I really can't continue the way I have been.  I say 'bad luck', but I admit that about half of it was boneheadedness on my part.  The other fifty percent genuinely felt like bad luck.

Boneheadedness.

Let's see, small examples in the last twenty four hours included:

- trying to build a simple wal-mart shelf from the dinky - image only - instructions that came with it.  I split the wood in several places, and once yelled at my mother "I can do it myself!  Either I'm building this shelf, or it's going up my ass!"
- getting the window jammed during the planning stage of installing my air conditioner.  Phrase of the moment "you fucking fuck." Mom almost pees pants.
- going out with my mother to buy stuff, because "you have a shelf, now you should put things on it," and we see a silver "@" that's about 4" high that I don't mind looking at.  My mother picks it up for purchase and I have a mini-freak out, right there in bouclair. "I don't know, I just don't think I need more STUFF, and it's not connected to any memory or anything for me, I'd just rather not get it, and I'm really tired, and just want to go *home."   Mom drops the issue, having seen my last tantrum when I was about three, and having flashbacks.   Later today, I contemplate driving out to bouclair to purchase said knick-knack, to commemorate that one time I almost pitched a fit in bouclair as a 31 year old grown ass woman.
- Friday was good.  I had a nice conversation with Ted, watched several hours of Storage Wars and went to bed.  Saturday morning was awful; I slept poorly, and felt bad pissing away so much time on Storage Wars.
- In terms of work, I can't go into a lot of detail, however, I could do absolutely nothing right this week.  I often either genuinely screwed up (just minor things, didn't cost anyone money), or other people insisted I screwed up when everything was fine (one email simply read "why are you sending me this?")
- also at work, my good friend and neighbour was moved to another building, and that makes me sad.
- oh! And, remember that team-building exercise I had brought home (mentioned in a previous post)?  Well, I came home after shopping today to find that it was sitting under an open window, GETTING RAINED ON.  I hate that thing so much, but I didn't want to ruin other peoples' contributions to it.
- took the car in to finally get my all-seasons put back on and find that the funny sound my car's been making is still happening**.  So, it has to go back into the shop sometime this week.  Fantastic.

On the bright side, I've got a great support system in place.  I love my family and friends.



*In my defense, we'd been out since 8:30, and had pawed through countless homesense/winners artwork, and dealt with that crap.  I enjoy looking at it for a bit, but I can't do it for three hours in a row.
**the funny sound felt to me like one of the tires wasn't balanced (my brother had patched it), so I hadn't mentioned it to the mechanic because I thought it was irrelevant.

(not to be read while eating, I suppose)

Just over a month ago, I stayed home sick for four days.  I had an awful fever the first two days, and couldn't even leave the apartment.  This was quite awful, as I had no food in the house.  My father, the lovely man that he is, came into town and went grocery shopping for me.  Among all the lovely groceries, he had also purchased a box of 50 popsicles, as I had mentioned to him that I had a sore throat.

The next morning, I didn't want to eat any of it.  Looking in the mirror, I saw that I had two massive pieces of what appeared to be cauliflower lodged in the back of my throat.  In my feverish stupor, it took me a while to realize they were my tonsils*.  No wonder I had trouble falling asleep the night before; I kept waking myself up with the snoring!

You can't move to another bed to get away from it when it's you.  Also, a bra in bed, really, lady?

I went to a walk-in clinic, where the doctor took one look at my throat ("clearly strep throat!") and gave me antibiotics and a corti-steroid to bring down the swelling quickly.  It was nice to feel like I was finally doing something about it.  Come Monday, I went back to work, although my throat was still sore.  I had ten days of the antibiotics.  On day 11, I was in pain again.  The fever had subsided, but my throat was still in excruciating pain, and when I looked, there was still pus on my tonsils.  Awesome.

Went to another walk-in clinic.  I would have gone to the same one, but I wanted to get in that night, and the first one was only open to 5.  New doctor looked at the prescription of antibiotics I was given and said "this is the dose you give a six year old**."  Swabbed my throat and sent me off, with a prescription for a second round of antibiotics.

"This'll take care of it!"  I thought.

I was done that round of antibiotics when I finally called my doctor's office for results of the swab ("not strep throat!") and to arrange an appointment with her.   "She's just gone on holiday," the receptionist informed me.

Of course she fucking has.  Nevertheless, they got me in with another doctor in the same office, who sent me home with another script (this one just a heavy duty anti-inflammatory to keep the pain at bay),  and is arranging for me to see an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist.  So, hopefully, I'll be able to get rid of them.

The low-level depression that goes along with being sick for this long*** is quite awful.  Also, because this involves my throat and voice so much, I haven't been able to sing all this time, and it's looking like my singing will be on hiatus until further notice.  Actually, my voice is so affected by this that it's exhausting to talk.  My voice sounds like it's coming from about three inches farther back in my throat.  It's so muffled by the swelling, I'm having a hard time making sound shapes in the back of my throat that all the pronunciation of my words is left up to the front of my mouth.  And it sounds awful.

I'm still in pain now.  I just want these things out of me.

*Now, I'd always had big tonsils, which was something I was strangely proud of.  I don't know why I would be proud of it, but I was, all the way through childhood.  And university. And... up until about a month ago, actually.  I don't have a lot of claims to fame.
**To my knowledge, I've never been mistaken for a six year old.  Maybe once, when I was 5.
***for stupid reasons, really. I'm not placing myself among the ranks of the seriously ill.

Sorry for the bummer post.  How about some Yardbirds or Country Joe & the Fish?

I may have started becoming something I didn't really intend to.

I was sitting in my apartment on lunch, wearing my office ID tag, eating fast food, watching popular sitcom, and checking my phone when I realized I'd become something I always hated: a total bore.  As recently as last month, I've often said that I don't understand people who just consumed everything that came their way.     There should always be at least one facet of your life where you don't give in to what's put in front of your, and you try to reach for something a little more substantial.  

I used to be very picky about the art I consumed.  I swear that's not really as pretentious as it sounds, but I would reach out for a specific book, movie, or TV show because I wanted to, not because it was there.  Not to be a contrarian, but bestsellers lists and top 40 lists used to really turn me off.  Now, I just feel like I couldn't be bothered.   I'm almost certain it's laziness and not because there's nothing new out there anymore.  I would still tell you Wenders' Wings of Desire and Kiarostami's Taste of Cherry are among my favourites, but I didn't bring a VCR with me since I moved out, so I have no idea how long it's been since I've seen them.   Oh, I should also mention Vinterberg's The Celebration.  I honestly love this movie:

The same goes for music, but not as severely.  I listen to the stuff I really love, but I haven't really listened to much that is new to me.  

I think I need to walk away from the computer more often (or simply use it smarter - more blogging, less 9gag and pewdiepie).  And I think I need to shut the phone off more often.  It's hard, though.  That's how I keep in touch with Ted.  My delightful Ted.  

I need more balance in my life.