Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The sad realization that I'm not cool

I've always known, somewhere in my mind.  I mean, there were hints throughout my life, but nothing stark, nothing obvious.  Nothing like tonight.

I recently purchased a new (to me) vehicle.  A Jeep Patriot, about 6 years old.  I love it; it does everything I need, and it's good on gas.  It's new enough to me that I went for a drive tonight.  Music on loud, windows down, I love it. I notice there's a Jeep CJ* driving along beside me, with the doors off and music blaring. We stop at a light, and he's not right next to me anymore, he's next to the guy in front of me.  The guy in front of me rolls the window down, and leans across his girlfriend, and starts yelling friendly stuff at the CJ guy.

CJ guy can't even hear him.  Hip hop music blasting.  It's mildly embarrassing for sedan guy in front of me, but I don't know what my plan would have been if I'd been beside him.  Roll down my window further, crank up my music more?  Try and shout something friendly about how Jeeps** are great?  Then, get mad when he sneered at me?  "You bastard, this had to travel the Rubicon Trail, just like your model!" I'd yell. "Rubix cube tail***? What the fuck, lady?" he'd yell back.  

Would I roll down my window further, and crank up my music more, bobbing my head to the beat while making eye contact?  In the interest of full disclosure, this is what I was listening to:


Anyway, the light turns green, I end up beside him again, and I finally take a real look at this guy.  He looks like a total goof, to be honest.  He's at least 10 years younger than me, I can see his underwear over his top of his (too big) shorts, his shoelaces are undone, and there's a nice responsible looking dent in the front of the Jeep.

My soccer mom car turned at the next light.  Time to go home and listen to Kevin Eldon, Simon Munnery, and Brian Cox talking about CERN.

*My love of the CJ stems not only from the fun look and impractical handling, but the rich history of the car.  Another indication that I'm not as cool as I once thought.
**Incidentally, the whole "it's a jeep thing, you wouldn't understand" is exactly the kind of brand attitude that I can't stand.  The kind of smugness is a little obnoxious.  Oddly enough, since expanding their line so extensively, it mostly involves the Wrangler tough-guy models, and not the Soccer-mom models (ie, the Patriot).
***the runner-up for this joke was "Ruby's entrails."

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