Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Cutie

Having been in a few relationships now, I realize I have a difficult relationship with the word "cutie."  The boy - it's almost always a boy - I've been seeing will start peppering his sentences with "cutie,"  and I'll completely fall for it, thinking he means "I think you're cute."

The word is actually a haunting prediction.  The boy is never at fault for this, it is simply a message from the universe.  Many of my relationships* will blossom and flower into a beautiful thing, leading to the act of making love**.  Shortly thereafter, I learn the true meaning of cutie.

Chronic Urinary Tract Infection

Yes, I am up early to google 24 grocery stores, where I will run in and make a purchase.  Two of your finest bottles of cranberry flavoured shame, please!  For I am clearly still up from partying, and not in any discomfort at all!

Certain purchases are obvious signs that one is having sex, has had sex, or is planning on having sex***.   Cranberry juice may or may not be a sign.  Putting it in your cart during your weekly shop just means you might like cranberry juice.  Running out at 5:30 in the morning does not convey that message.  The small triumph of "yes, I have had sex recently," is far outweighed by the discomfort of "wipe that knowing smile off your face, Cash-Register-Betty."




*Not a slut.  But if I were, slut-shaming is bad.  Stay in school, kids.
**We can still call it making love if it happens in the back of a car, right?
***The boy who buys condoms we may roll our eyes at, but the man who buys condoms and lube is intriguing.

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